I wrote some friends about my little story and thought I would share it with you. I am not all bad. Here's what happened.....really.
Yes I said fire ants
>
> I really have to learn where these suckers live. I thought I did but
> they are much craftier than I originally thought. So in an effort to
> launch a stealth attack on the unsuspecting Doug they now put their
> nests under camouflage so they might catch me off guard. Well there
> little ruse worked......this time. Oh usually you will find them in the
> open with a big sign on their mound of dirt they have neatly piled about
> the opening to the hell they call home. It is hell for the rest of us if
> we get caught with noticing. They don't have the courtesy to give a
> warning. Even a rattler will rattle when you are getting too close. But
> not these evil devil spawns.
>
> There I am just doing my job. I pull the lid off of the pedestal and set
> it down. I sit on it. The location is peaceful and quiet. There are some
> small trees grass. No mound of ants in view. I am sitting on the ped lid
> and doing my work. Meanwhile the silent little critters have been
> disturbed by my presence. Oh sure maybe I sat the lid on their precious
> little opening or made too much vibration. Not good enough of an excuse
> to launch a sneak attack.
>
> In the past when in these situations I noticed them as they were
> crawling up my shoes and legs. I then would do my crazy dance of
> insanity as I was frantically trying to wipe them off of me. My bare
> legs leading up my shorts to ....you know where. Well there was no way
> they were going there with out some screaming or crying at least. I have
> a torch but common sense finally kicked in before I torched myself in
> the .....nether regions.
>
> But this time I was caught un-aware as they were crawling up the
> pedestal lid behind me. On to my shorts and t-shirt. I can just hear
> them snickering....."he still doesn't know we're here"....boy is he
> going to be pissed" ....."you know he is going to kill some of us."
> "It'll be worth it to watch him do the crazy dance of insanity."
> "they'll be talking about it for generations."
> As they silently crept up my shirt to my neck, a frontal attack was
> being formed as a diversion. Oh yes they do think this way. "you guys go
> around the front and get his attention while we get under his shirt and
> on his neck." "When he tries to get you off of his legs, like before, we
> will bite and sting him on his back arms and neck. Then while he is
> trying to wipe us off you can get him on his legs."
>
> Quite smart actually. Little bastards. There were so many it was almost
> inconceivable. And they were on my back. It was just like one of those
> movies you see where the guys just go nuts and run around in a circle
> and tear their shirts off and where the hell is the lake when you need
> it????.
>
> Well enjoy the pictures. They are only a few of the many I got.
>
> later
> the ever so itching and ant hating
> Doug
Fire ants
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