Oldschool,
My ex-husband and I are very lucky. We decided from the get go that THE most important thing is and always will be the children. The girls were 2 & 5 at the time (they are now 19 & 22).
As divorces go we were angry with each other at first, but never put the kids in the middle of it. I have always believed that no matter what you think of the ex, the kids love that parent. It goes back the old saying "if your talking bad about my parent your talking bad about me". Even if you are the opposite parent. We had to remember that we started out as best friends and we needed to find some kind of way to get some of that back again for the kids sake. With that in mind we never talked crap to the kids about each other.
I need to give you a little history real quick so you get the idea. Our oldest daughter was actually mine from a prev relationship. He claimed her as his from day one.
Anyway back to the point. When the ex went to court he asked to pay child support for the oldest also. The judge told him that although that was a wonderful thing to offer he (the judge) couldnt enforce it because she wasnt "legally" his child.
After looking at the ex's income ($15.75 hr) he set child support at $300.00 monthly. This was in 1989. My ex had the judge take this out of his check automatically. He did this with the idea "if its already taken out he wont miss it". I have the court records stating that the judge thought that my ex went out of his way to take care of his kids. For us this worked. Not sure it would for everyone.
It didnt take long to become friends again. My husband and my ex actually like each other. As my hubby said to me back when he met him and I thanked him for being polite to my ex, he said to me "why woudnt I be I wasnt married to him?" My ex said if he were picking a step father for my kids it would have been my hubby. (side note) Just remember when you start to date, sit back and watch. If they fall in love with your kids you got a keeper. If they don't then show them the door. just my opinion.
Ok so I jumped the gun on you there for a minute. Now that I have gone on and on this is my advice to you.... Remember that at one time you loved each other enough to make this family. You loved each other enough to want them to be the parent of your children. So be fair to each other.
Who ever the kids are living with let them have the things the kids use/need most. The rest of it split up the best you can. If she knows that you want a certain thing she should give it to you. If she wants something give it up. Kinda like "I'll give you this but I would like this.
As far as the $$ amount, that you have to sit down and decide what you can afford without putting yourself in a situation where you cannot pay and end up falling behind. If judge decides on what should be paid by you the father then they will take both incomes into account and decide how much each parent is responsible for.
I'm not sure if this was helpful but I wish you the best of luck with your situation. Its a very hard thing to go through and I wouldnt wish it on anyone.
Please remember both of you that your kids love you both!! Good luck.
Mav's Wife.
Re: Reaching out for council - My first Divorce
Member #: 17781
Registered: 1996-2001
Posted:
125
Name:
Ron Campbell
Name:
Ron Campbell
Company:
Outlaw Cable
Occupation:
Owner
Location:
Virginia
Personal:
Experience:
~33 years
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