Wet Cement

Scott McMahan

3/18/1999

Eric B. I'll be in town Monday. I hope everything is going well as could be expected. Thanks for all of your help. I appreciate H.J. for his support as well. Yes the fish are biting, I just haven't been able to get them in the boat yet.

Michael Jewell

3/19/1999

This is an actual radio conversation between a United States Navy aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. (The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10/10/95 as authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.) CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. CANADIANS: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course. AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH...I SAY AGAIN...THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH...OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP! CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Michael Jewell

3/19/1999

EJ Lear

3/19/1999

Michael, I was stationed on the Abraham Lincoln and it is a WEST Coast carrier so there's no way possible for that Email to be true. =( Sorry dude....

Michael Jewell

3/19/1999

Subject: FW: [Fwd: Photographic Excitement!] The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon". Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really ?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing. "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know !!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London." "Oh my god!!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture. "She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. "Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, ........equipment ?". "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we can get to work." "Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now. "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam ? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!"

LaMar Brown

3/19/1999

How do I get a list of ccCATV contractors?

Jim Davis

3/19/1999

Harry, how many channels is the Dix Hill? And Lew was happy we picked it up. Let me know when you make it home. I'm driving back to Houston Sunday with the wife.

Tony

3/19/1999

Randy F... watch out.. that light at the end of the tunnell that Scott sees could be a oncoming train.. Hang it there, it only gets better with age... :-))

Michael Jewell

3/19/1999

A woman got pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said, "I bet you're going to sell me tickets to the Highway Patrol Ball." He replied, "No, Ma'am, highway patrolmen don't have balls." There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he had said. Without saying another word, he closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. True story from Humboldt County.

Michael Jewell

3/19/1999

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