Greetings Mom,
How are you and your daughter feeling, today? Good, I hope. I have no answers, and definitely am not qualified to judge anyone here. I will make two predictions, though...I predict you have plenty of love, where others did not. I predict your baby's father doesn't, or he would not of lied to you. I ask you not to take any of his actions, or lack thereof personally, please. His deceit and running had not a thing to do with you or your beautiful little daughter, rather, it had everything to do with HIS inability to love even himself enough to be honest, let alone provide the kind of love that would not scar you and your baby had he stayed. I think if I was in your position I would not want him involved in her life--at all. I would try to remember the reasons you thought he was worthy of your love and this is what I would tell his daughter, I would tell her he was fun, and that he was handsome, and that he does love her. Where he went, I would be honest and say who knows, and who knows why....Never talk bad about him, or allow others to judge him. He is still the biological father and anything said or felt about him, whether the little girl hears it or not...she will feel it in others attitudes and she will own this contempt for her father. Protect your baby's confidence in her self, and her self love by not allowing her to witness any dislike or derogatory names and you may have a better chance of raising your daughter and giving her the chance in life to be with people she wants to be with, and not be with them because she is needy to be loved.
My opinion, and this can only relate to my life as I have known it, is this' Stop looking for him, it is not in your daughter's best interest.
Donot speak or hold ill feelings toward him, or your daughter will own these and become shamed and needy.
You two are ALL you need in the world.
The story about children NEED BOTH parents is crippling the children we are speaking of...it is a lie from hell designed to create guilt and guilt is not in the receipe of love.
Reassure your daughter she is loved, and her father is a good man (just tell her the good you remember-DO NOT LIE) tell her he may show up one day, and we have to try not to be angry when he does, anger is a cancer and you and your daughter are two beautiful women that do not need a cancer in their lives like that.
do not plan on seeing him again. But when speaking of him give him the same respect you would give someone who has passed on, for the self love your daughter needs, she has to have a pleasant vision of her father, it will make it easier for her to love herself,
Do not allow any one to speak bad about her father...tell your Mother, friends and anyone else "Get over it!, already" "My daughter and I are doing wonderful just as we are, we are not needy people. Everything we do need beats within my own chest and no one else is MY LIFE SUPPORT!"
No one has an easy life, we all bear our own burdens, you and the baby are going to be a very special package for some lucky guy one day, save the joy you have there, and protect it from harm as a MamaBear!
Remember. I only intended to help you feel better about a rough spot in life, and in noway am thinking I have the knowledge or experience to know what is best. These ideas are only things from my own life I have found to be true for me and I want to share with you.
Another thing is this probably twenty percent of those of us who had both parents would have preferred tp be with out one of them, some of us would have been better off to have our own ideas in our mind about an absent parent then to have them there, beating Mom, never home, beating me, what-ever...do you see what i am saying?
Love and respect for all you are, and do,
hang in there Mom, Love, Petergunn
