CABL Forum - Re: Think you had a bad day?

OMG....that is harsh.....I wrote this and posted it some time ago I will post it again.......fun stuff.

Yes I said fire ants
>
> I really have to learn where these suckers live. I thought I did but
> they are much craftier than I originally thought. So in an effort to
>launch a stealth attack on the unsuspecting Dougie Fresh,
they now put their nests under camouflage so they might catch me off guard. Well their
> little ruse worked......this time. Oh usually you will find them in the
> open with a big neon sign on their mound of dirt they have neatly piled about
> the opening to the hell they call home. It is hell for the rest of us if
> we get caught without noticing. They don't have the courtesy to give a
> warning. Even a rattler will rattle when you are getting too close. But
> not these evil devil spawns. This time, their nest in the grass under a tree and
there is no giant mound to mark it.
>
> There I am just doing my job. I’m a cable guy. I pull the lid off of the pedestal and set
> it down. I sit on it. The location is peaceful and quiet. Too quiet. There are some
> small trees with sparse grass underneath it. No mound of ants in view.
I am sitting on the ped lid opening the amp and setting it out.
>. Meanwhile the silent little critters have been
> disturbed by my presence. Oh sure maybe I sat the lid on their precious
> little opening or made too much vibration. Not good enough of an excuse
> to launch a sneak attack. Not in my opinion anyway.
>
> In the past when in these situations I noticed them as they were
> crawling up my shoes and legs. I then would do my crazy dance of
> insanity as I was frantically trying to wipe them off of me. This time I am in shorts
My bare legs leading up my shorts to ....you know where.
> Well there was no way they were going there
without some screaming or crying at least. I have
> a torch but common sense finally kicked in before I torched myself in
> the .....nether regions.
>
> But this time I was caught un-aware as they were crawling up the
> pedestal lid behind me. On to my shorts and t-shirt. I can just hear
> them snickering....."he still doesn't know we're here hehehe"....boy is he
> going to be pissed" ....."You know, he is going to kill some of u when we attack."
> "Yea but, it'll be worth it to watch him do the crazy dance of insanity."
> "they'll be talking about it for generations."
> As they silently crept up my shirt to my neck, a frontal attack was
> being formed as a diversion. Oh yes they do think this way. "you guys go
> around the front and get his attention while we get under his shirt and
> on his neck." "When he tries to get you off of his legs, like before, we
> will bite and sting him on his back arms and neck. Then while he is
> trying to wipe us off you can get him on his legs."
>
> Quite smart actually. Little bastards. There were so many it was almost
> inconceivable. And they were on my back, legs, arms, hands, neck and hair. They were so stealthy it was surreal. Without warning they attacked. I saw or felt them rather on my legs but it was too late. They had already set up the attack. There was a loud “ATTACK” and they started biting and stinging. A lot. It was just like one of those
> movies you see where the guy that just goes nuts and runs around in a circle
> and tears his shirt off all the while wiping his body wherever there might be any of the little terrorists. Where the hell is the lake when you need
> it????. No lake and there I am doing the crazy dance of insanity. I was frantically looking for a water hose while still in battle with the red little monsters. Needless to say I was gifted with annoying little reminders, about 20 of them,
to let me know they had visited me. For a week or 2, I had fond memories of
the crazy dance of insanity.
>
> later
> the ever so itching and ant hating
> Doug

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Re: Think you had a bad day?