I'm not yet 40 and I can relate to a lot of these!
> YOU ARE SO RIGHT MRS. JONES
>
> > THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 40
> >
> > 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
> > 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
> > 3. No one expects you to run - anywhere.
> > 4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
> > 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
> > 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
> > 7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
> > 8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
> > 9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
> > 10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
> > 11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
> > 12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
> > 13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
> > 14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
> > 15. You sing along with elevator music.
> > 16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
> > 17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
> > 18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
> > 19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
> > 20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
> > 21. You can't remember who sent you this list.
> >
> >
> > Chapter 1: GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
> >
> > 1. Sag, You're It
> > 2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy
> > 3. 20 Questions Shouted into Your Good Ear
> > 4. Kick the Bucket
> > 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over
> > 6. Doc, Doc, Goose
> > 7. Simon Says Something Incoherent
> > 8. Hide and Go Pee
> > 9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
> > 10. Musical Recliners
> >
> >
> > Chapter 2: SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
> >
> > 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
> > 2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter - Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
> > 3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
> > 4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.
> > 5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
> > 6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendale's.
> >
> > Chapter 3: SIGNS OF WEAR...
> > "OLD" IS WHEN.....
> > * Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love, "and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
> > * Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
> > * A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
> > * Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
> > * You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
> > * You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
> > * "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
> > * "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
> > * An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
> >
