CABL Forum - Just some jokes 4 ya'll

Subject: Jackpot!
>
>Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps
>table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet
>twenty- thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
>
>She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
>luckier when I'm completely nude."
>
>With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the
>dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she
>hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and
>down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked
>up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
>
>The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.
>Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
>
>The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were
>watching!"
>
>Moral: Not all blondes are dumb !
> Career Joke
> >> Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
> >> We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
> >> How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove
>helpful.
> >>
> >> What makes life 100%?
> >>
If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
> >>
> >> is represented as:
> >>
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
> >>
> >> Then, H A R D W O R K
> >>
> >> 8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
> >>
> >> K N O W L E D G E
> >>
> >> 11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
> >>
> >> But, A T T I T U D E
> >>
> >> 1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
> >>
> >> And, B U L L S H I T
> >>
> >> 2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
> >>
> >> So, it stands to reason that hand work and knowledge will get you close,attitude will get you there, but bullsh** will put you over the top Subject: The Ant And The Grasshopper
>
>
>This would be really funny if it weren`t so close to the truth of today.
>
> THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER (2002 Version)
>
> ORIGINAL VERSION:
>
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
>his house and laying in supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
>he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
>
>Come winter the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no
>food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
>
> MODERN VERSION:
>
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
>his house and laying in supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
>he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
>
>Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and
>demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well-
> fed while others are cold and starving.
>
>CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering
>grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a
>table filled with food.
>
>America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in
>a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer
>so?
>
>
>Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and
>everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
>
>Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house,
>where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse
>then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake Al
>Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten
>rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike
>on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
>
>Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper
>Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
>
>The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs
>and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is
>confiscated by the government.
>
>Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
>defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of
>Federal judges that Bill Clinton had appointed from a list of
>single-parent welfare recipients.
>
>The ant loses the case.
>
>The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits
>of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens
>to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain
>it.
>
>The ant has disappeared in the snow.
>
>The grasshopper is found dead in a drug-related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood

Yodeling
>Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began? Here's the ture story.
>
> Back in the olden days, a man was traveling by foot through Switzerland.
> Nightfall was approaching, and the man had no where to sleep. He walk up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. So the man went into the barn to bed down, and the farmer went back into the house. As the story goes, the farmer's daughter (you knew this was coming, right?) came downstairs and asked her father, "Who was that man going
into the barn? "That's some fellow just traveling through," said the farmer. "He needed a place to stay for the night, so I said that he could sleep in the barn." The daughter then asked, "Did you offer the man anything to eat?" "Um, no,
>I didn't," the farmer answered. The daughter said, "Well, I'm going to take him some food." She went to the kitchen, prepared a plate of food, and then took it out to the barn.
>
> An hour later she returned. Her clothes were all disheveled and buttoned up wrong, and she had several strands of straw tangled up in her long blond hair. She immediately went up the stairs to her bedroom and went to sleep.
>
> A little later, the farmer's wife came down and asked her husband why their daughter went to bed so early. "I don't know," said the farmer.I told a man that he could sleep in the barn, and our daughter took him some food." "Oh," replied the wife. "Well, did you offer the man anything to drink?" "Umm, no, I didn't," said the farmer. The wife then said, "I'm going to take something out there for him to drink." The wife went to the cellar, got a bottle of wine, then went out to the barn.
>
> She didn't return for over an hour, and when she did, her clothes were also messed up, and she had straw twisted into her blond hair. She went straight up the stairs and into bed.
The next morning at sunrise,the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left the farm and walked toward the mountain.
>
> A while later, the daughter woke up and came rushing downstairs. She went right out to the barn, only to find it empty. She went to her father and said "Where's the man from the barn?" Father answered, "He left several minutes ago." "What?" she cried. "He left without saying good-bye? After all we had together? I mean, last night he made such passionate love to me."
>
> "What?" shouted the father. The farmer ran into the yard looking for the man, but by now the man was halfway up the side of the mountain. The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm gonna get you! You had sex with my daughter."The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hands next to his mouth, and yelled out,...
>
LAIDTHEOLADEETOO!
>
And that's the true origin of yodeling-honest!
>

INSTALLATION

CONSTRUCTION / TECH

OFFICE / OTHER

Just some jokes 4 ya'll