1. Do not walk behind
me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not
walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a
thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's
always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's
newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not
important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If
you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening
until you fart.
7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone
else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If
you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car
payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile
in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
have their
shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not
for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how
to fish, and
he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you
lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth
it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember
anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the
windshield.
16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first
time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that
comes from
bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is
to fold it in half and put it
back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth
gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and
a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two
theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally
speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving
23.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
it.
Later,
