"Next."
"Good morning.
We want to apply for a marriage license."
We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim
Jones."
Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a
resemblance."
resemblance."
"Yes, we're
brothers."
brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get
married."
married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving
marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes,
thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's
incest!"
thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's
incest!"
"Incest? No,
we are not gay."
we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then
why do you want to get married?"
why do you want to get married?"
"For the
financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we
don't have any other prospects."
financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we
don't have any other prospects."
"But we're
issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied
equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to
a woman."
issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied
equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to
a woman."
"Wait a
minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have, but just
because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry
Jim."
minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have, but just
because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry
Jim."
"And I want to
marry Tim, are you going to discriminate against us just because we are
not gay?"
marry Tim, are you going to discriminate against us just because we are
not gay?"
"All right,
all right. I'll give you your license."
all right. I'll give you your license."
"Next."
"Hi. We are
here to get married."
here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith,
Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to
marry whom?"
marry whom?"
"We all want
to marry each other."
to marry each other."
"But there are
four of you!"
four of you!"
"That's right.
You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and
June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us
getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual
preferences in a marital relationship."
You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and
June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us
getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual
preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've
only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian
couples."
only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian
couples."
"So you're
discriminating against bisexuals!"
discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just
that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for
couples."
that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for
couples."
"Since when
are you standing on tradition?"
are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean,
you have to draw the line somewhere."
you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says?
There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the
better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution
guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage
license!"
There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the
better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution
guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage
license!"
"All right,
all right."
all right."
"Next."
"Hello, I'd
like a marriage license."
like a marriage license."
"In what
names?"
names?"
"David
Deets."
Deets."
"And the other
man?"
man?"
"That's all. I
want to marry myself."
want to marry myself."
"Marry
yourself? What do you mean?"
yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my
psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two
together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax
return."
psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two
together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax
return."
"That does it!
I quit! You people are making a mockery of
marriage!"
I quit! You people are making a mockery of
marriage!"
"America
will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter, and lose our
freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter, and lose our
freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
~ Abraham Lincoln
