CABL Forum - Compassionate New Legislation

Finally, something for the 50% who need our help.

President Barack Obama and Congress are considering sweeping
legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans: "The
Americans With No Abilities Act." AWNAA is being hailed as a major
legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack
any real skills or ambition.

Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer
stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed
over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant
special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have
some idea of what they are doing.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi
and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the
U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single
largest U.S employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination
against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%).

At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also
has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles
but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of
purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and
promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even
the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial
tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of
Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax
credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one
clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example,
discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or
experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who
have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due
to her inability to remember 'righty tightey, lefty loosey.' 'This new
law should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the
passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens
will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I
believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be
extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as
lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of
his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this
great nation and a good salary for doing so."

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Compassionate New Legislation