CABL Forum - doctor's have fun too

Embarrassing Medical Exams
> 1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'

> My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
>
> I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
>
> dress and began to take off her underwear.
>
> Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
>
> and I was in the wrong one.
>
> Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
>
> San Francisco

> 2... At the beginning of my shift
>
> I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
>
> and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

> 'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.
>
> 'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.
>
> Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
>
> Seattle , WA

> 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad
>
> news when I told a wife that her husband had
>
> died of a massive myocardial infarct.

> Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
>
> reporting to the rest of the family that he had
>
> died of a 'massive internal fart.'
>
> Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

> 4. During a patient's two week follow-up
>
> appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
>
> me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
>
> one of his medications..
>
>
>
> ' Which one ?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch...

> The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
>
> I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
>
> I wouldn't see.
>
> Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
>
> Now, the instructions include removal of
>
> the old patch before applying a new one.
>
> Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
>
> Norfolk , VA
>
> 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
>
> I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
>
> After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
>
> ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
>
> Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
>
> Corvallis , OR

> 6. I was performing rounds at the
>
> hospital one morning and while checking
>
> up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your
>
> breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good
>
> except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
>
> to get used to the taste.'. .. . Bob replied.
>

> I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
>
> a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
>
> Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
>
> Detroit ,
>
>

> 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
>
> when a young woman with purple hair styled
>
> into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
>
> of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
>
> entered ... . . It was quickly determined that
>
> the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
>
> scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
>
> table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
>
> been dyed green and above it there was a
>
> tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
>
> Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
>
> wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
>
> which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
>
> Submitted by RN no name,
>

> AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
>
> 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
>
> I was quite embarrassed when performing female
>
> pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
>
> I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
>
> The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing

> and further embarrassing me.
>
> I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .
>
> ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
>
> She replied with tears running down
>
> her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .

> ' No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
>
> ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '
>
> Dr. wouldn't submit his name....

> 1 MORE

> Baby's First Doctor Visit

> This made me laugh out loud.
>
> I hope it will give you a smile!
>
> A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
>
> The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
>
> 'Breast-fed,' she replied..
>
> 'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
>
> She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
>
> Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
>
> I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
>
> But I'm glad I came.

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