> > 1. The garbage collector is not stealing our > stuff. > 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when > I'm lying under the coffee table. > 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind > the sofa or under the bed. > 4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before > entering the house. > 5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat > it or after they throw it up. > 6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces > of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get > sick. > 7. I will not throw up in the car. > 8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. > just because I like the way they smell. > 9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are > tastie, are not food. > 10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and > then redeposit them in the backyard after processing. > 11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. > 12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not > tell them. > 13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not > the red ones, or my people will think I am > hemorrhaging. > 14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the > window rolled down when it's raining outside. > 15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each > time I hear one on TV. > 16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance > all over the backyard with it. > 17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom > & dad's laps. > 18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. > 19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he > reaches in for mom's driver's license and car > registration. > 20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's > underwear when he's on the toilet. > 21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of > the bathroom garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of > my butt. > 22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" > as an option after just getting a bath. > 23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not > an acceptable way of saying hello. > 24. I will not hump on any person's leg just > because I thought it was the right thing to do. > 25. I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping > on the pillow next to their head. > 26. I will not come in from outside and immediately > drag my butt across the carpet. > 27. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply > and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it > is cleaner. > 28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room > and lick my crotch when company is over. > 29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can > quickly clear a room. > 30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with > him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good > thing
This is CABL.com posting #292551. Tiny Link: cabl.co/mbogJ
