During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down
a muddy back road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with
a red-faced colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled
alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,
"Yours is."
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.
Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the
phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone,
"Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass
along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good
wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young
enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to
hook up your telephone."
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it
again!
Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy chief to the bewildered seaman,
"I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be
waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy,
I'm never going to stand in line again!"
The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At
French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer
asked sarcastically.
The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for
inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to
show it."
"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on
arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he
quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach in
'44, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
military humor
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