Women...........
> > WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
> > She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
> > Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
> > Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
> > Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
> > And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
> >
> > WOMAN'S PERFECT REVENGE
> > 'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after
> > folding items the woman wished to purchase.
> > As she fumbled for her wallet, I
> > noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
> > 'So, do you always carry your
> > TV remote?' I asked. 'No,' she replied, 'but my
> > husband refused to come shopping with me,
> > and I figured this was the most evil thing I
> > could do to him legally.'
> >
> > UNDERSTANDING A WOMAN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
> > I know I'm not going to understand women.
> > I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot
> > wax, pour it onto
> > your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
> > and still be afraid of a spider.
> >
> > MARRIAGE SEMINAR
> > While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with
> > communication, Tom and
> > his wife Grace listened to the instructor:'It is
> > essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
> > dislikes.'
> >
> > He addressed the man, 'Can you name your wife's
> > favorite flower?'
> >
> > Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
> > whispered,
> >
> > 'It's Pillsbury,isn't it?'
> >
> > CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
> > A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
> > The sales girl
> > notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers
> > that he is looking for
> > a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down
> > the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the> counter.
> > She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some
> > tampons for your wife? He answers, 'You see, it's like
> > this, yesterday,
> > I sent my wife to the store to get me a
> > carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
> > tobacco and some rolling papers;
> > cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
> > So, I figure if I have to roll my
> > own ... so does she.
> > (I figure this guy is the one on the milk
> > carton!)
> >
> > WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several
> > miles, not saying a word.
> > An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of
> > them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard
> > of mules, goats, and pigs,
> > the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
> > 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
> > WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how
> > many words women use a day...
> > 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
> > The wife replied, 'The reason has to be
> > because we have to repeat everything to men...
> > The husband then turned
> > to his wife and asked,
> > 'What?'
> > CREATION
> >
> > A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you
> > can be so stu pid and so beautiful all at the same time.
> > 'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
> > God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
> > God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you
> >
> > WHO DOES WHAT
> > A man and his wife were having an argument about who should
> > brew the coffee each morning.
> > The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up
> > first,and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'
> > The husband said, 'You are
> > in charge of cooking around here and you should do it,
> > because that is your job,
> > and I can just wait for my coffee.'
> > Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and
> > besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the
> > coffee.'
> > Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
> > So she fetched the Bible, and
> > opened the New Testament
> > and showed him at the top
> > of several pages, that it indeed says...'HEBREWS'
> >
> > The Silent Treatment
> > A man and his wife were having some problems at home
> > and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
> > he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
> > morning business flight.
> > Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
> > LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM
> > He left it where he knew she would find it.
> > The next morning, the man woke up,
> > only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his
> > flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened
> > him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
> > The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men
> > are not equipped for these kinds of contests
> > the masterpiece.
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