LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH. (Thanx to Toast)
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on
a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be
left?' She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first
gunshot..'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like
your thinking.'
Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice
cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I
suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked
the cone.'
To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is
'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your
thinking.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)
Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in
arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?
'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said
'6', replies RALPHY.
'But that's right!' says his dad.
'Yeah but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''
'What's the fuckin' difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we
are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody
have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's
a mouthful..'
Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a
blowjob.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper
word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly,
and I will allow you to go.'
Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an
eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher
asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word
'beautiful' in the same sentence twice..
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My
father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked
beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on
little Michael.
'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher
reluctantly called on little RALPHY.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fuckin' beautiful!''
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said,
'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for
you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a
time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own fuckin' business.
