CABL Forum - Liberal & Conservative History Lesson...

  For those that don't know about history ... Here is
a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands
of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer
in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish
and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were
the invention of beer and the invention of the
wheel. The wheel was invented
to get man to the beer. These were the foundation
of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that
was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the
glass bottle nor aluminum can
were invented yet, so while our early humans were
sitting around waiting for
them to be invented, they just stayed close to
the brewery. That's to show how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing
animals for the B-B-Q at night while they were
drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at
hunting learned to live off the conservatives by
showing up for the nightly
B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair
dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some
noteworthy liberal
achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group
therapy, group hugs, and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to
divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized
by the largest, most powerful land animal on
earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime
added), but most prefer white wine or imported
bottled water. They eat raw
fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu,
and French food are
standard liberal fare. Another interesting
evolutionary side note: most of
their women have higher testosterone levels than
their men. Most social
workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists,
dreamers in Hollywood and
group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented
the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They
eat red meat and still provide for their women.
Conservatives are big-game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, Linemen, construction
workers, firemen, medical
doctors, engineers, police officers, corporate
executives, athletes, members
of the military, airline pilots and generally
anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
govern the producers and decide what to do with
the production. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than
Americans. That is why most of
the liberals remained in Europe when
conservatives were coming to America .
They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and
created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a
momentary urge to angrily respond to the above
before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced
of the absolute truth of this history that it
will be forwarded immediately
to other true believers and to more liberals just
to tick them off.

And there you have it.

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Liberal & Conservative History Lesson...