What a Jerk
WhenI was six, I lifted a pack of gum from a grocery store. I was quicklybusted by my mom as I tried to eat the gum, immediately, in the car.After my Dad got through with me, including, and this was not the mostsevere bit, duct taping the window shut, removing the light bulb andputting a towel at the door overnight when I was afraid of the dark, heasked me a question. "What could you possibly have been thinking?"
There's a dude in San Antonio that makes six-year-old me look like a freaking genius.
Our story begins at the house of San Antonio Spurs superstar point guard Tony Parker.
So one day, one of Parker's jerseys goes missing. This jersey is a Michael Jordanautographed jersey, valued at approximately $20,000. At this point youmay have wondered how our economy could possibly have developedproblems, but let's keep moving. The next day, a Craigslist ad islisted for a Michael Jordan autographed jersey. Huh, what acoincidence.
The seller was of course Carolan, who was lateridentified by the buyer in a lineup. Here's the kicker. Carolan soldthe jersey, again, valued at $20,000, for $120. His fingerprints werealso found on the envelope which contained the letter of authenticity,which was found... in the freaking gym.
So, let's recap. The guystole an autographed jersey of the greatest player in NBA history fromthe place he was supposed to be guarding, which belongs to current NBAsuperstar Tony Parker. He then left the envelope with the certificateof authenticity lying on the floor of the place he stole it. Then,after taking it home with him, he posts an ad on Craigslist.org to sella pretty easily identified item. It's not like autographed MichaelJordan jerseys are just lying around. And when he does sell the jersey,he sells it for $120, when it's valued at $20,000.
Carolan'sasking for probation instead of jail time. Normally, I'd be supportiveof this, since it wasn't a violent crime and just seems like anincredibly, amazingly, obscenely stupid mistake. My only concern isthat he may be too dumb to be allowed on the streets.
So thenext time you decide to steal an autographed piece of memorabilia fromthe home of the NBA player you're guarding and then try and sell itonline for a minute fraction of its worth... wait. Here's an idea. Don'tsteal an autographed piece of memorabilia from the home of the NBAplayer you're guarding and then try and sell it online for a minutefraction of its worth. Deal? Deal.
