Humans originally existed as member of small bands of nomadic hunters &
gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and
went to the coast in winter to live on snapper & crayfish.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer, and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilisation and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct sub-groups :
1. Socialists; and 2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminium can were
invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for
them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the Conservatives by showing up at the nightly BBQs and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair-dressing.. This was the beginning of the
Socialist movement.
Some of these Socialist men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became known as "girly men". Some noteworthy Socialist achievements
include income tax, the domestication of the cat, the budget surplus,
the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the Socialists voting to
decide how to divide the meat and beer the Conservatives provided.
Modern Socialists like imported beer (with lime added) but most prefer
Chardonnay or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard Socialist fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side-note: most of the Socialist women
have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Conservatives drink domestic beer - Carlton, VB, Tooheys, Fourex etc.
They eat red meat and provide for their women.
Conservatives are hunters, fishermen, rodeo-cowboys, truck-drivers,
construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,Pharmacists, Signwriters,
police officers, corporate executives, athletes, and generally anyone
who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to
work for a living. Sometimes they can not find another Conservative to
do the job - so they hire 3 Socialists.
Socialists produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
Conservatives and decide what to do with the Conservatives' production.
Socialists believe that Europeans are more enlightened than Aussies.
That's why the Socialists stayed behind when the Conservatives came to
Australia. They crept in after the Aboriginies were tamed, and then created a
business out of paying again for what had already been acquired.
Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a
Socialist may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above
before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so
convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be
forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more Socialists
just to piss them off.
This is CABL.com posting #217968. Tiny Link: cabl.co/m4RM
