Why don't you go to Mexico and become an illegal there? You know the important 3 Spanish words if I remember correctly from past posts....cervasa, merde and peso. You're in. Don't forget to take your guns and drugs with you, and find a spot where you have to climb over the fence to make it more authentic. And take some tacos with you, too in case you can't get a job right away...Last, if you can't get over the fence, just dig a tunnel...good luck to you.
Adios.